Rape is Rape, let me Breath: Is it too much to ask for?

Gender inequality, cultural and interpersonal context are major factors sustaining sexual violence against women accross cultures. A more effective strategy to end the rape culture will be to contexualize the psychological, cultural and legal drivers of hostile sexism, gender identification and attitudes towards challenging social norms.

Specifically, shame, guilt, anger patriarchy, gender egalitarianism, the criminal justice system are motivators for action or inaction against rape (all forms).

There are many frameworks explaining why rape occurs accross cultures, but at its core they all highlight that sexual violence against women is the struggle for dominance and control of women by men. Rape is instrumental in exploitation and oppression of women for men to continue maintaining their hierarchal status in the society.

These views changes everything, including rape acceptability, tendency to rape, tendency to report rape and tendency of policemen to discriminate against female rape victims. With implications for gender justice.

Victim blaming and shaming attitudes is a double jeopardy for the sexually abused as is the case of the trending story of a popular Nigerian Musician, Timi Dakolo's wife-Busola, for coming out to speak up against being rape by a high profile pastor Abiodun Fatoyinbo while under the age 18 years old. Ese Walter also got a back lash when she made rape allegations against the same Abiodun Fatoyinbo. In addition to other rape allegations still hanging in the balance.

Being a celebrity's wife did'nt shield the singer's wife and 31 year old mother of three from shaming and blaming. It didn't matter that she was under 18 at the time. Maybe being a 101 years old make it right that consent was not given?! Imagine what has become or will become of sexual abuse with no celebrity status or girls and women made more vulnerable to sexual violence due to poverty or their socio-economic status? Who will listen?

To what extent does challenging socio-cultural norms influence a society's response to rape culture? These issues are complex especially due to the interface of tradition and religion, exploring the Northern or #ArewaMeToo movement in Nigeria will make an interesting read subsequently.

Till then...all rape survivors are saying to the society is:

Let me breath. I can't be everything you want me to be. If i choose to do nothing, it's ok. If all my life have been "good" and now I'm "#chaotic #maniac #crazy " for things beyond my control, that is also ok. Don't break me into more smaller pieces in addition. I'm stronger than you think. Just take my hands and LISTEN, is that too much to ask for?!~Nuggets by Joyce Ojokojo.